COD

(Man my eyes are burning) why? (I've been playing cod for hours) it's ok man it's a good burn, like working out.

muppets

Deaf people must really hate the muppets

teary eyed

(I'm gonna cry, it's so sad) "Ya I'm gonna cry too, but just,,,,,, only on the inside cuz,,,, you know,,,,I'm not a fag."

a drive through story

(mcdonald's drive through) "Oh can we have some
salt to please? (sorry we're out) Well go find some, give us what you got, we got a bottle of tequila in the back and lemons all we need is salt that's really all we're here for"

Sweetheart I don’t have time for your shit....but your tits though.

Sweetheart I don’t have time for your shit....but your tits though.

reminders

I hate it when I'm at the strippers and the girl's ask me where I'm from, fuck bitch I'm from Laval I tell you every week.

coffee or tea

ok bitch stop right there, tea doesn't percolate, its steeps. Fucking amateur. 

no it dont

weed doesn't cure anxiety

unicorn

I cant look at an animal and not think food,....... ..............    hey look a unicorn ummmm, with a bit of rosemary that would be sick...

politics

I'm feeling a little political. (what are you talking about dude) Ya I think I want to occupy her vagina. 

im not here

(Kevin are you lessening to me) Look dude I'm starting to feel that cannon I smoked, I'm sorta drunk and the games back on so I'm not sure I know you.

looks from afar

(Kevin why do you have 2 drinks?) well this
Ones for me and the other is for that chick you see over there. And she is a lot less pretty then she looks from here. Trust me. ( so now You have 2 drinks) yup! Pretty much

dont be a sucker

Dude ur a sucker. Stay n smoke with us. "guys it's 220." Ya we're gonna beat the 420 rush... Fucken amateur

I think therefore im blunt

I'm a blunt person. The truth hurts sometimes but it saves a lot of fucking time.

important or not

Hey is this notice important? It says you should have picked your package a month ago so I'm gonna go ahead an smoke it.

not on you

Man my sunglasses look good.On everybody! (they look like shit on me) man that's cause of your fucking ugly ass face and not because of the shades.

same boat

If I agree if with u then we'll both be wrong.

dont push me

I don't have an attitude, I just have a personality that you can't handle.

the choices we make

(Kev come on, you of all people are pro-choice right?) Ya sure bro she's got the choice to spit or swallow.

imagine that

Dude that girl just gave me goosebumps... On my dick, imagine that

know whats what

I don't care if she's random.... That's 90 percent of what's going on

turned out wrong

(Kevin why do you have 2 drinks?) Well this one is mine and that one I bought for that chick but she turned out to be a twat so now I have 2. (classy)

quality equality

So I was asked if I believe in equality of the sexes the other day, I asked the chick if she believed in unicorns and leprechauns. 

the best of Kim Jong IL

http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=7428

stand up for your rights

"Hey Kevin your for women's rights aren't you?" Sure dude the kitchen is right this way. 

like clockwork

I loved high school. shit was easy then, you could hit on a girl and if it didn't go well, it didn't matter you could just try again next period.

practice

I love yoga chicks, like that one , she can stretch all she wants all over my bed.

funny americans

http://www.eatliver.com/i.php?n=7410

bleeding

OK lady really, I'm going to ask you for two tampons cause your voice is making my ears bleed.

for all my spanish ppls

sick movie

my first meme

doin it wrong

Ya good one, if you fucken retards ever got in a 3way you'd end up crossing swords with your mouths.

Kevin Quote

life is easier for girls, if they want something real bad they show a lil nip and it's theirs.

ageless

"I know it's wrong, that girl looks like she's in high school, (pause) I don’t give a fuck"

know the limit

“Dude the drinking limit is 0.08 not 0.0ur a fag."

pint sized

(hey man how hammered are you?) sorta i guess. (how much did u drink) well lets just say a tall midgets amount of alcohol. (a tall midget? wtf dude?) Ok so imagine a tall midget , now convert his mass into volume in your mind, and that's how much i drank. (OK so your Fucked UP!) yeah pretty much

cant hold me down

(Hey man how come you never stick to only one girl), cuz bro do u really wanna be stuck with one vagina forever? (y not dude) man they all turn out evil and demonic. so in the end u gotta always be like "Evil succubus keep thine self away from me!"
and no one wants that. (agreed)

pass it around

(man my eyes are killing me !) that sucks dude, my eyes are A OK. (really ? Whats your secret). Weed. . . . (pass that shit)

7 is the cut

“That girls like a 5 and that’s 2 less than worth looking at."

map it out

Hey, whats funny? (Oh, you had to have been there) Oh I see, a geography joke, nice.